Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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