made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
