I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
