It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
