I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
