I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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