People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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