Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
