I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
