I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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