i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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