i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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