meet me or not, i'm out of control
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
