dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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