So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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