i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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