the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
