what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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