I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Randomize
