My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
