Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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