No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
