He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
