It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
