'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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