We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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