highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You are the jesus of drinking
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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