You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
