I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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