He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
