I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
