My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
