Apparently you make a good broom.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
