I wish I could teleport
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she told me i tasted like america
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
