"it" just moved
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
