Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
