i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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