That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
