they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
