he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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