there was a trapeze. enough said
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just forgot I was standing up.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
