Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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