People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
