why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
