I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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