Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
