apparently the secret to your success is patron
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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