do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my being single is dangerous.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
