I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
