Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
