I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
These tits shall not be calmed
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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